She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
