What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ttyl tear gas
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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