I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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