I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
