she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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