It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
