Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
