During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
