You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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