Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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