Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This baby is an asshole
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
