New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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