Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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