hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
do nipples grow back?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
