I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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