we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
