I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
