she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
