we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ttyl tear gas
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
