KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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