Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
