I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
