Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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