I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
