I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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