First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
