shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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