help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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