Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
