I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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