So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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