i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
