Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
home. puking in laundry basket.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
