I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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