Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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