I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
