in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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