Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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