Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
