His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
