my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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