so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
