I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
