I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
