I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
