Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
