Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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