were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
