Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
