operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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