I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she woke up with a sticky ear
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
