the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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