Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
