it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
