PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize