Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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