i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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