He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
