I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish I only lived at night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
