Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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