how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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