your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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