Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
