Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
