My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you win again, gameday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The uberlube is also flammable
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
