I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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